Nhớ Nguồn

The Roman philosopher Epictetus once said, “If you wish to improve, be content to appear clueless or stupid in extraneous matters.” The problem I have, though, isn't that I'm too proud to accept appearing stupid. My problem is... ...that I know too much about extraneous matters.

Alright, so it's been a long time since I've shared a "normal" post, so here's my attempt to do that. A lot's happened over the last three months, so here are just the highlights. New Orleans in December - This is one of my favorite photos from our short trip. On our last day in the city, we decided to hit a well known fried chicken joint. The place? Man Chu Food Store. If that name seems off to you, it's because it was and so was everything else about it. It was an out-of-place, Chinese-named convenience store in the shadow of a highway staffed by Vietnamese people selling energy drinks and the tastiest fried chicken $5 can buy. How appropriate to eat that on the curb next to the building. Just like back in Vietnam! Thank God we had a paper bag to use as a "seat."

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." I can credit a lot of people who have influenced me and helped me grow. From the short list, though, are the people who have taught me humility, discipline, ambition, compassion, and curiosity. 

Think small and act small, and you’ll get bigger.  Think big and act big, and you’ll get smaller.

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley, US author & journalist (1890 - 1957)

Starting in September, in an effort to deliberately change my mindset and outlook on life, I began a gratitude journal. While it is hard to quantify and observe just how much change has occurred, I can say that I feel happier. That said, being closer to family and the woman I love helps a lot with that too. Still, I'd like to share a few more things I'm grateful for that I haven't had in a good long while. 1. The fact that motorists here obey traffic laws - There have already been a number of times I thought I was about to witness death to oncoming traffic...only to see the driver dutifully stop at the STOP sign. That swings both ways, though, because if you don't obey the laws you get duly punished. I've got first hand experience of that now... 2. How quiet it can get - I had to pay premium for this back in HCMC. In the suburbs, though, it's a norm. You can hear a pin drop in my front yard at night. 3. The ability to walk places - Most people hate being o...

02/19/18 Update: They might want to skip 2017 too. And the rest of Trump's presidency for that matter.

Three and a half years is a long time where a lot can happen. During that time I made good friends, saw amazing places, ate weird food, and tested the limits of irresponsibility. This post is dedicated to remembering all the important people I had in Vietnam since I arrived in 2013.  Bao If I hadn't been born in the US, I'm pretty sure Bao and I would be blood relatives. Since that fateful day, we've laughed together, we've fought with each other, we've gotten lost in multiple countries, we somehow found our way again. We played board games, ate a $#!%-ton of chicken, burned so much gasoline "seeing how beautiful" Saigon was, seen the top of mountains, suffered terrible running weather, and collected way more free drinks from Bobapop than we should've. And thank God for your family. Their patience and kindness helped make Vietnam my home. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Vietnam would not have been the same if we hadn't...

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends, and spirit - and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls - family, health, friends, and spirit - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life." - Bryan Dyson

After three and a half years, I've finally ended my career here at ILA. In a week's time, I'll be heading home, but before going, a quick look back at the years: I started work at ILA in July 2013. In September, I transferred to a center closer to my house. Little did I know, though, that I would be it's one and only teacher. It wasn't until the following month that I was joined by these wonderful people.  I learned a lot about myself that first year. And despite how crazy things were then (and how crazy I was for blindly jumping into them), I felt then that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  Over the years, people came and went, but a core group of us stuck together.  Eventually I left the center too, but I stayed in Vietnam. Instead of teaching, though, I became an instructional designer and helped pave the way for a radically different way of learning. The work I did was some of the toughest I've done to date. I didn't give up ...

Things I've seen people do when they're stressed: do insane workouts plan vacations to exotic locales get high get hellaciously drunk have someone punch their arm until it's bruised watch hours of YouTube videos lurk Facebook Me? The past year I've wrongly resorted to becoming an angry hermit. But I've recently found a better, healthier outlet:  creating playlists and imagining the perfect time and place to listen to them.

τούτου μὲν τοῦ ἀνθρώπου ἐγὼ σοφώτερός εἰμι· κινδυνεύει μὲν γὰρ ἡμῶν οὐδέτερος οὐδὲν καλὸν κἀγαθὸν εἰδέναι, ἀλλ᾽ οὗτος μὲν οἴεταί τι εἰδέναι οὐκ εἰδώς, ἐγὼ δέ, ὥσπερ οὖν οὐκ οἶδα, οὐδὲ οἴομαι· ἔοικα γοῦν τούτου γε σμικρῷ τινι αὐτῷ τούτῳ σοφώτερος εἶναι, ὅτι ἃ μὴ οἶδα οὐδὲ οἴομαι εἰδέναι.

In this short, but powerful piece , Ms. Guo lays bare what I think many of Cal's graduates struggle with. What have I done with the gift of my education? Have I "paid back" those who helped give me the gift? Have I helped make the world a better place? Do I deserve Berkeley's legacy? I don't think I do yet, but I hope I'm getting there. 

Missing out on events with friends. Working 12 hour days. Waking up early the next day to do it again. Sitting alone in my room, staring at a blank computer screen, wondering if it's all worth it. Do not call me obsessed. I don't work compulsively. Do not be confused as to where my priorities lie. I don't sit at home dreaming of work, I sit at work dreaming of home. Do not call me a workaholic. I am simply working hard. But the things that we grow to love, the things that we are so passionate about that they wake us up in the morning, give us energy, inspire us, fulfill us, is it so wrong to, at times, place them above all else? Do not those things require sacrifice?  Just as we must be willing to sacrifice everything for the people we love, so to must we sacrifice everything for the things that give us a reason for being. 

4 months left of living in Vietnam. 3 years already having lived here. 2 significant life events since I graduated from college. 1 year spent working as an instructional designer. Apparently this year's June has a lot of memorable dates! It was wistful reflecting on all that has happened since I looked out my office's windows this time last year. Back then, I was elated with the fact that I had finally found my calling. I'd finally found something I was passionate about, something I cared about more than just in passing, something that I was actually good at, something I could see myself doing for the rest of my life! And yet, I couldn't have been more torn then between staying or going. With a long vacation ahead of me, there was no better time to finish things cleanly and turn a contract break into a contract termination. I knew I couldn't, though, and despite all who urged me to come home, I made the call and agreed to return to Vietnam. Here I am now, ei...

After nearly three years, I've finally been "touched": I've been blocked from accessing Facebook. This is only the tip of the iceberg for censorship and oppression, and it thankfully didn't seriously impact me. Still, it's hard to believe that I'm living in a country that thinks it's OK to do this in order to protect its own interests. 

"I began considering myself an adult shortly after moving into my own one-bedroom apartment about a year ago, at the age of 24, roughly two years after becoming financially independent from my parents. This probably says a lot about my personality, but it wasn’t until I lived alone and felt full ownership over my living space that I felt comfortable forming healthy routines. I finally began learning to cook, for example. I kept my apartment clean for once in my life. I began to feel like a competent host. I no longer dreaded coming home, because there was no longer the question of whether there’d be any roommates around that I’d have to justify my actions, schedule, or company to. It’s nice to feel comfortable in your own weirdness; it’s maybe even the most important thing. It’s easier without witnesses." - Tom, a 25-year-old grad student

When you impress the EduTech manager with your programming and Excel skills, you know you've done a good job! My latest accomplishment: I single-handedly built a summative assessment tool based on a 5-point rubric for English language and 21st Century skills that is also of my own design. The tool assigns quantitative values to each of the rubric's criteria descriptors, and then automatically calculates a total score based on what's chosen in the tool's main interface. All of the information is integrated with a report generator that automatically fills in both the student's information and their associated score information into a letter template that can be sent to parents via email.  It's true what they say, computer knowledge  does feel very powerful. And so does getting a round of applause from all your colleagues and bosses for a job well done.

"Broadly, instructional design is the crafting of experiences that build knowledge and skills in a way that is appealing and impactful."  Yes, that's it exactly! That's the job description I've been looking for, and that is exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I live for classes like the one I've got now. It's the class that reminds me every week why I enjoy being a teacher. They give me hope for the future, for them and myself Though it's hard to see clearly, their is great significance in the above picture. Notice the level of detail, the clear sense of joy that went into its creation, and the evidence that a group of like minds and hearts produced it together, all the while engaging the material they were meant to learn. What amazes me most, though, was not only did that group impress me, but they also managed to impress their fellow classmates. During the feedback stage, this group's work had other students crowding around to read the bubbles, laugh at the jokes, and even take pictures with their phones. And that's when you know you've got something good goin' on! That's when the teacher passes on his or her passion to the students, and the students in turn not only receive it, but amplify it fo...

March 1st. Now every day for the next two weeks will be agonizing torture. Have I been accepted? Have I been rejected? Will my career advance? Will I be right back where I was this time last year? I've been told to be patient, keep my head up, to not worry about things that aren't in my control. That's tough going, but I'm trying. How apt, then, that I'd come across this quote again: “I wanted you to see what real courage is...It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.” I thought my chances were small in the beginning, but I did see it through. Now back to waiting to see if this time is my "sometime."

I heard that once, during the Vietnam War, the American military planned a surprise attack against the Viet Cong. On the day of the attack, the precisely coordinated Americans got into position.  They lied in wait of the enemy. And then the lied some more. And some more. And then they started to wonder. The Vietnamese, it seemed, were mysteriously absent. However, the Vietnamese troops weren't absent at all. In fact, they had gotten wind of the Americans' plans and had instead...re-positioned themselves to catch the Americans by surprise! And that , according to my friends, is why Vietnamese people are always so late.

Over my head, I see the pastel sky,  Asleep on the black pleather, Still like a sleeping horse in green shadow.  Down the alley between the thin houses,  The vendor's bell beckons Into the distances of the afternoon.  To my right, In the fingers of sunlight between the ancient birches,  The napkins of yesterday's lunch hour  Blaze up into golden leaves. I lean back, as the evening darkens and comes on.  A swiftlet floats over, looking for home. I have wasted my life.

Luckily, I haven't induced any sudden states of somnolence in my students. ...yet.