Nhớ Nguồn

Let's start with the obvious: 2017's been a hell of a year. This time last year, I was still prepping for my final take of the GRE. Amidst all that, my applications for graduate school. When the smoke finally cleared from all of that and I was able to move on, I packed my things and moved yet again. The destination this time: San Francisco, finally. It was fortunate that it didn't take long for things to settle there. A job, a room to sleep in, and ideas about how to continue making progress helped with the transition. Eventually, I went from looking for a sense of stability to enjoying myself fully being back in the Bay. Marathon training was going strong again, I caught up with old friends, I was just close enough to family again, and most importantly, I was close by the woman I love. But it didn't take long again before things were shaken up. In the first week of May, in the middle of teaching class, I got my letter, the one I'd been waiting for for about t...

43rd and 8th Ave., just 2 blocks north of the explosion . Thank you to all the first responders including the police officers, firefighters, and EMTs who came this morning. I'm thankful they were able to evacuate everyone quickly and relatively calmly. It's sad to think that they're so good at this...because they have so much experience.

I will know I've "made it" when I can meaningfully contribute to and support all of the producers of news, media, and information that I routinely go through.

The other day I had a conversation with a career counselor who had recently visited San Francisco. He asked me if I liked living there, and I told him I absolutely loved it. He couldn't believe it. After only 2 days into his trip and with 5 days to go, he felt bored because there was nothing else to do. I was shocked. You just don't understand what it means to live in a place like San Francisco, I thought, let alone California. This...this is the cultural divide that separates people from New York City and people from SF/LA. 18. Allow Yourself to Be Bored "For many of us, our lives are so filled with stimuli, not to mention responsibilities, that it's almost impossible for us to sit still and do nothing, much less relax - even for a few minutes. A friend of mine said to me, "People are no longer human beings. We should be called human doings." ... Much of our anxiety and inner struggle stems from our busy, overactive minds always needing something t...

It's been a little over a year ago since I came back from a near four-year journey, traveling around the world, looking for that thing to give a damn about. Eight new countries and a lot of long nights of working later, I came back from all of that, mission accomplished, and ready to rejoin friends, family, and loved ones. And now, I'm far away from them again. Pictures, videos, text messages, phone calls...all reminders of how far away I am. How many nights did I spend standing out on my balcony in Vietnam looking up into the sky, imagining the time when I would finally get to go back home?  Here I am. Same sky. Different lights.

It's only been a couple days. Among the list of weird things I've done are: made a 6-hour trip to IKEA to get a mattress bought a frame for said mattress, carried it down 3 floors, across 1 mile in the rain, and up another 4 floors to assemble it in my room woke up at the crack of dawn to go grocery shopping because I was afraid of crowds I imagine that's only the tip of the iceberg, but I've been so grateful to have learned the life skills I need to live here in more comfortable environments. And with such great people (yes you, A and B). Maybe now that I'm back in school, I'll have the time (or patience) to reflect on all those experiences.

First day of class. It's been something like 5 years since I was a full-fledged student.    I find myself way further away than where I was aiming a year ago. Am I in the right place?

I can't remember why I picked up this book, or what piqued my initial curiosity. Thanks to the library, though, I finally got around to finishing it and boy did it make me think a lot. My thoughts in no particular order: 1. I am simultaneously relieved and disappointed that my mom wasn't much of a tiger mom. I'm sure my younger self was glad she wasn't as strict/cruel/militaristic/etc. as Amy Chua's exaggerated character. Still, older me is wondering why the hell he can't get his act together and get shit done sometimes. I wonder if where I am today could've been improved with a stricter, but better guided childhood. 2. When I have kids, I wonder how I'll approach child rearing, especially now that I'll have this book gnawing at the back of my mind. There's not question that I'm far more familiar with the Western style of raising children, but I also wouldn't want to rely solely on that to get my kids through to adulthood. I...

Time to go again.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." T. Roosevelt

After a few months of home, I can't help but miss having my own space. And I don't mean to say that I don't have that now, just that there's something special about having a place that is yours . First night I spent here, I hooked my computer up to the TV and watched "500 Days of Summer." Yeah. Yeaaahhh... For many nights to come, that desk was my workstation. The design of that desk was terrible, though. Underneath it had a cross bar that was the exact height of my shins and I banged my legs against it more than once. The chair I had for the desk was also super uncomfortable to sit on. Very quickly I had to remedy that by sitting on a pillow, the gray dilapidated one in the middle of the couch.  And that bed, oh that bed. Best bed I've ever had. Roomy, warm, and best of all, it had that great soft headboard. What a perfect place to perch one's phone. I think it'll be a long time before I get another bed as nice as this one. Can...

Well, that's it. For the last three months, I had the chance to take my tests and write my applications differently. And do them right this time. Now, they're done, and there are no more chances. I did what I could, I just hope it was enough.